Confused Mind, Wandering Soul

Sometimes I fell like i belong nowhere, everywhere, and just there
Wandering, Finding, or Just going
Looking Away to say past the bricks
Confined in the mind of mine
Lovely days have past
And stormy window panes i reminisce
Rainbows flowing, And moon lights kiss
Not knowing what, where and how
But i think i see now
Or is it the picture painting itself in the lime light

Confused are we? so am I?
Because I cannot, see, feel, or dream
Revoke dream because i dream of the day
In may
where my smiles laid bright and heart was never cold
I dream of the day love was without want
Yes i dream of the day peace will be a thing of daily news
But I wonder, wandering through the mind of mine
Searching, looking, never finding what i want
But I
Love to live, laugh, love
And help others through their teenage love
Now sit lamenting the life i loved and lived
But my mind still races through this wandering soul I have

Inner Feelings

Ok i think its time to empty out my feeling onto the internet

i feel like my social circle is changing drastically.

i feel really disconnected to my inner circle of friends and that annoys me but it seems like every time i try to ask them to open up i get the back hand of things.

i really have something to tell someone but im super terrified that it wont be taken seriously.

i am stressed the fuck out but i smile anyway

half the ppl that call me friend i dont view them the same way

i love alot of ppl ( not romantically ) but i feel like they will just joke about it if i tell them

i wish i was closer with ppl sometimes. like i only got one person that i feel comfortable talking about anything with and rite now i feel uncomfortable toward her sometimes cuz its me holding back my inner thoughts and i dont like being burdens to ppl

i hate ppl who dont practice what they preach. like this one girl. not gonna go their but such a hypocrite

i hate missing out on chances.

so like idk y ( well i do ) i really hate being home and its like a disease now. i can be super tired but soon as my feet hit that pane i wanna leave. but of course i have no where to go half the time

i dont feel comfortable with any of my friends to just go to their house and chill. i feel like it has to be an event or something or i have to be invited.

im having a hard time with dealing with some things in my life ( as usual ) its only me so whatever im used to it.

i like to hear ppl problems but i dont like being in the problems. i am neutral. no im not gonna ask her this and tell him this no. thats ur drama and ur problem so u handle it. i can talk u through though.

i disreguard so many of my feelings all the time. its kind of ridiculous

so i want a tatoo. either i want my angel wings or spinal cord done. either one will be great for me.

so um yea i have more to say but of course im not gonna put it on here. so adios for now.

you are a being just being u

The softest part of me
Holds our connection
Pulsing with every thought of you
Inner connect the every nerve thats jumps for you
And Yet all we have shared is a single smile

There is such an eye
that can say so much
why is there no you
where my eye see

the simple sunshine
fluidly flows is presence onto your skin
illuminating your special elegance
Only as you stand

My heaven
You steal away my smile everytime i think
think of what we can be
Such a being that will only complete me

Mmm the wholesome smoothness in your voice
making every hair on my neck rise
as i think of u sexy love

emph sometimes i think
i am i just because you be
oh a being just being you
is more than enough in my mind

my eyes read so sweetly of your spirit
i want to feel u
hear u
be with u
yet i cry
because of the way i feel outside my feeling for u




*unfinished*

As I sit...

Hello

So this week has been a doozie
Ultra highs
Sanking Lows

My mind has just been getting stronger eventhough i have just been disappointing myself sometimes i know i am doing better.

So yea im saving my money and um if i must say so myself im doing pretty well

So lately ive been thinking like having i actually been doing me or doing what everyone else thinks of me. Like at times i think about others before myself or just the fact of what would these certain ppl think of me. Iono is it respect or an unnecessary conscience. never know

Ive been feeling very to myself lately. im not trying to. ive been pretty much reaching out to my friends and stuff but at times i dont get the response i think i was looking for. everyone seems pretty bored with life ( WHAT A TURN ON FOR A CONVO ). so its just been me my music and my sketch book.

So like sometimes i feel like i wanna just stand outside and do yoga. and releave myself of stress. lately its been like a bottle being shaken up with the top on u know its gonna burst soon but u dont know when.

oh i miss alot of ppl. like i know i say it all the time but like im scared to say it to some ppl ( not giving any names ) because i think they'll be like what the fuck. but iono after going through a perioud where u see some ppl everyday and then like never see them u just never appreciate their presence until u dont have it.

Oh im so tired of fighting like shit in my mind. like everytime i sit down i feel like NOOOO DONT THINK ABOUT THAT. OR NOOOOO THINK DIFFERENT THOUGHT. Then i end of thinking about rain ironically. ( i wonder y not sunshine)

OH I LOVE ALL MY FRIENDS ( YEA THE REAL ONES ), the ones who would actually care if im mad about something or help me out when i need it.


Hancock was an excellent movie.

I really want to experience shear bliss one day

I NEED SOME LOVING IN MY LIFE. Ive been wanting to just pamper and be romantic with SOMEONE for a long time but it just seems like im gonna being working everyday of the week like everyday ( as per usual ) i love taking care of ppl

so yea i need to go shopping

i think im gonna stop eating sweets and only drink water after this week

im on a diet

yes this is where i vent i dont care that im talking to no one but its one the only places where i can come to at any hour and just be like HERE IS MY MIND ON A SCREEN

i want to go to fashion school im getting lethal. like my aunt ( the one who is bitter and negative about everything said she likes my drawing today and think i should really go into fashion ---- maybe she can tell my gdad and let him know that i dont wanna be a doctor )

im addicted to cheesecake ( ITS MY WEAKNESS )

oh so i saw this cool ass chick at the mall the other day. it was random that we connected so much in like 5 minutes. i was picking clothes out for my sis with my sis and she told me i was a nice dresser. ( what a simple compliment can do )

I really need to clean my room

yes i like u ( alot ) but um i am very scared of being with u because i dont know what the out come will be. i know its stupid but hey im being honest.

sooo about those tigers....i hate sports

im scared most of the times to tell ppl how i really am so i just say a one word answer or lol + sumthing random. but i just feel like some are not that easy to talk to

i believe in love at first site

Have u ever wanted to ask someone something so bad but never did ?
Have u ever had that one person that u wanted to tell something to but never had the guts too?

i have had that with both.

adios. i love the ppl who are in my life at the moment.
( p.s why does everyone always look at love as romantic but instead of just the sweet appreciation and connection u have with a aperson. let along the bond u have with someone )

Realization

Ok lately ive been letting everything distract me.
Distract me from the things i need to be doing and accomplishing such as loosing weight, doing me, and plain out getting better.

LIke my mind has been on vacation for like 2 days or sumthing. and like i feel really off schedule and or out of my zone.

I have so much shit i need to get off my chest and i think thats what it is. Im not angry but im slowly but surely losing my peace and i dont want that to happen.

But i also have to realize that i cant expect to have ssomeone to talk to every minute sometimes i have to just do the damn thing myself.

I GOT ME MYSELF AND I....

New month

So im ready you guys
FOR WHAT YOU ASK? im ready for my life to change.
what iam scared of completely letting go.

Im sorry im scared of letting go of shit its not my fault.

But i love you of all. thanx for reading
im feeling really iono about stuff.

To begin....

Hello everyone....

Im just loving life loving myself, prolly loving you too.
So i got a new bike it rides perfectly and im gonna be in shape when i come back to school.

Yes this is for dance purposes if you just wanted to know. im not tryna be thin ( i guess ) but i would love to be able to have a lil bit of an appealing body.

Im having an excellent summer so far. LOVE'N IT. Project just smile is in effect. i feel that if you smile from within your exterior forces will be more positive cause you to have a better and more positive and productive day.

i really wanna go to new york and to have my own loft there.

Yea im random and i dont care <3

I miss my nellie and most of all my friends.
I miss ecclectic.

Oh yea im almost flush within my splits.

i feel like being poetic so um imma write a poem today.

I think im scared of taking risks so im holding my feelings back from evolving ( not in one occasion but with many )

anyone care to go out this weekend. feeling a lil olive garden'e

ok i think thats all of my spiratic blogging for now.